You Know What???

I thought, or at least I tried to pretend, that I am happy with myself. I wanted to pretend that I totally accepted my self and that I had positive body image. But a relationship, that perhaps was never meant to be & lasted for only a few weeks, has brought me to a place where I am looking at myself and can admit that I do not like what I see.

You know, a man had to point out to me that of the three hundred plus photos I have on my computer, only a few are of me and none of them show more than my face. He explained to me that though I wanted to pretend that I loved myself and thought I was valuable, my actions showed that I was not. He told me things that I never wanted to hear, but definitely needed to overstand.

I may not have had the relationship that I wanted with him (he is a beautiful, thoughtful, kind and intelligent man), but he gave me what is beyond valuable. He showed me that where I thought I was strong, I was truly weak. He helped me to see that the issue is not really my weight, but that I don't think I'm worth valuing. He showed me that what I was presenting as an easy going, accomodating attitude, was really me trying to make people like me because I didn't like myself. He explained that a real man would never be able to be proud of someone who was not proud of herself.

It hurt so much to hear what he had to say, but you know what...change and growth always hurts. I now have come to admit to myself that this journey towards health and well-being, is not just a physical one, but also requires that I heal some things deep within me that I would not have otherwise faced.

So if he ever happens across this page, let him know that for what he has helped me see, I will always truly be grateful.


In Peace and Victory,
Tiffany