Miss Me? Ain't no harm in starting over.

It's been quite awhile since I posted in this blog. As you might imagine, my weight loss (not release since it wasn't permanent) slowed, stopped, and then has actually reversed. Yikes! I could spend a lot of time lamenting the problems and complaining to you about the many issues that kept me from my goal. But what would that serve? Nothing. A few days ago, a romantic interest complained that I had been trying to lose weight for as long as he's known me. And as soon as he said it, I became disappointed in myself. But after thinking about it, I realize that I have nothing to be ashamed of. Yes, I have had setbacks, but I have not allowed them to stop me from trying as many times as it takes for me to be successful. My life is not about the mistakes or the failures, but about the many lessons I learn as a result of them. I choose to meditate on my own growth. I now what it feels like to to become discouraged, but I have NEVER let that keep me from trying. There is no shame in that...only growth.

Today, I had a nice home cooked meal.....Well, maybe not so nice. Today was my first day making scallops. I'm not sure I cooked them correctly. The looked yummy and tasted kinda okay but the texture left much to be desired. I'll give them one more try before I give up for good. But for now, it's back to the drawing board. I'll spend tonight doing some food planning for the week, refrigerator organization, and planning for a successful day tomorrow. I wish you love and light and the same for me, tdp

Eating Habits

I am still struggling to create some healthy eating habits. I made pretty good choices during the first portion of the day: Protein Shake and supplements for Breakfast, Water, Coffee, and then 1/2 sandwich and salad (w/no creamy dressing--yay!) for lunch.................

But then....a 400 calorie strawberry muffin for dinner. Of course, this wasn't enough to hold me until tomorrow so I just finished bbq chicken, spinach, and sweet potatoes at 9:40 at night. WTH??? Not only am I sure to feel uncomfortable going to bed on a full tummy, it doesn't make sense for me to have done this.

However, I do realize now that if I'd simply eaten the same meal earlier in the afternoon instead of the muffin the choices themselves were not that bad. I won't beat myself up because slow and steady wins the race.

Still Learning,
tdp

Long time no see.....

Total, I'm about 30 lbs up from my lowest weight during my first weight release struggle. I've been back on the grind now for about a month. I'm taking an amino acid and protein supplements. I'm lifting and I've incorporated the C25K program in for cardio. Today was day one of that program.

No excuses.....I truly do feel better after a workout so I'm in it again. I've ordered some new workout clothes so I feel sexier going to the gym and I'm determined to fake it until I make it (smile).

You Know What???

I thought, or at least I tried to pretend, that I am happy with myself. I wanted to pretend that I totally accepted my self and that I had positive body image. But a relationship, that perhaps was never meant to be & lasted for only a few weeks, has brought me to a place where I am looking at myself and can admit that I do not like what I see.

You know, a man had to point out to me that of the three hundred plus photos I have on my computer, only a few are of me and none of them show more than my face. He explained to me that though I wanted to pretend that I loved myself and thought I was valuable, my actions showed that I was not. He told me things that I never wanted to hear, but definitely needed to overstand.

I may not have had the relationship that I wanted with him (he is a beautiful, thoughtful, kind and intelligent man), but he gave me what is beyond valuable. He showed me that where I thought I was strong, I was truly weak. He helped me to see that the issue is not really my weight, but that I don't think I'm worth valuing. He showed me that what I was presenting as an easy going, accomodating attitude, was really me trying to make people like me because I didn't like myself. He explained that a real man would never be able to be proud of someone who was not proud of herself.

It hurt so much to hear what he had to say, but you know what...change and growth always hurts. I now have come to admit to myself that this journey towards health and well-being, is not just a physical one, but also requires that I heal some things deep within me that I would not have otherwise faced.

So if he ever happens across this page, let him know that for what he has helped me see, I will always truly be grateful.


In Peace and Victory,
Tiffany